I knew that would get your attention!
Debra Pascali-Bonaro is a childbirth educator and a doula, and she has done a documentary promoting the idea that childbirth can be a pleasure!
A real pleasure.
Imagine that? Imagine the idea that you could go through your pregnancy without fear of labor! Imagine that some people may even enjoy it so much they have an orgasm.
I haven’t yet seen the documentary, but I’m sure Pascali-Bonaro isn’t suggesting labor is not work. I’ve spoken with many experts who say it’s called labor for a reason. It’s hard work. I’m also sure she’s not suggesting that labor is not painful, although several experts tell me the pain you experience is exacerbated by fear, because if you’re afraid of the pain, you are more likely to be tense. Muscle tension makes the birthing process more difficult. Your body begins fighting against the very thing that will ease your pain…the birth of your baby.
But she is surely suggesting there is the possibility of pleasure during your birth experience.
What a revolutionary idea!
Some people are bound to find this icky. Heck, some people won’t even nurse because they claim “my boobs are for my spouse/significant other!” But we can’t help but acknowledge the parts most closely associated with your erotic life are also the parts with which you give birth and feed your baby. They just are. There’s a reason for that. Your baby comes out the same way it went in, if you know what I mean. Sex, pregnancy and birth are inherently linked. It’s ok, y’all. It’s not icky. Relax.
This taboo about acknowledging the link between pregnancy, birth, nursing and sex, which can lead to a sharp division between these amazing parts of your life, certainly impacted me. I was so ashamed when I noticed breastfeeding my baby felt good. That was my baby eating her dinner! What kind of sicko was I? I was embarrassed to admit this to my post-partum doula, but I did. She told me it’s normal for nursing to feel good.
It’s normal. I was normal. Not a sicko. Good to know.
The good feeling from breastfeeding is probably caused by the release of oxytocin, a hormone also released during labor and — yes — sex. And why shouldn’t nursing be pleasurable? After all, you may have to deal with sore, cracked nipples, pain from latch problems, cluster feeding that never lets you rest, and a variety of other challenges (more on the joys and challenges of nursing your baby in this podcast).
Think of it this way, it’s about survival of the species. If breastfeeding didn’t feel good, maybe we wouldn’t do it. Not so very long ago that was the only option, and if we didn’t like nursing, maybe we wouldn’t feed our babies. Nothing good could come of that.
Also, remember, feeding our babies the reason we have boobs in the first place. That’s what they’re for, and that’s why men don’t have them. Any fun you have with them outside of feeding your baby is just gravy!
Really, really good gravy………………..but I digress….(sicko!)
So back to birth orgasms. Why not? Our hormones are surging all over the place, and the baby is coming out the same way it went in. If you can relax, and if you decide that physical affection with your partner makes you feel better (some women find they do not want to be touched during labor), maybe an orgasm will follow.
Or maybe not. I’m sure it’s far from a given. But what an interesting possibility!
Maybe you still think the idea is icky. That’s ok. But the idea that — even without an orgasm — the birth experience doesn’t have to be something you dread…well, isn’t that nice? Sure there will be pain, sure it will be hard, but if you can only relax, maybe it could also be pleasurable, you know?
Please check out our podcast on labor options for much more information on how to make your birth experience as close to what you wish for as possible.