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Life After Miscarriage: The Enemy Within

There is no easy way to put this so I will just come out and say it. There is a 7 centimeter cyst on my right ovary.

 I got this news in the same room that I found out my baby’s heart was no longer beating and from the same person who told me that I had a missed miscarriage. God. I hate that room.

 I sat in the waiting room for about 35 minutes between getting the ultrasound and speaking with the doctor. I watched the ObGyn coordinator call newly pregnant couples to the back for their first appointments. There was one couple in particular – a husband and wife by the looks of it. The woman was just glowing with happiness. God. I hated her; I hated them.

 I overheard another woman scheduling her next appointment. The receptionist said, “Oh! Your 20-week appointment! That’s an exciting one!” God. Get me out of here.

 By the time I finally got to speak to the doctor, I was nearly in tears. She came in with nine images of my ovaries and said, “It’s pretty big.”

 I have a couple of options to deal with this thing. I can do the old ‘wait and see’ and hope it shrinks on its own. I highly doubt it. This cyst is big enough to have its own passport. I can take birth control pills to shrink it. Something about that option sounds counterintuitive to getting pregnant. Or, I can have surgery.

 The surgery is laparoscopic, outpatient, and fairly straightforward. I watched a video of it on You Tube. I almost vomited but I think that’s because I’m a bit squeamish. It didn’t really look that bad at all and apparently, there is no real recovery time. Aside from the risk of completely losing the ovary if the doctor makes a wrong move, and of course, death…I don’t really have a reason not to get ‘er out.

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7 Responses to “Life After Miscarriage: The Enemy Within”

  1. Jenn Jenn Says:

    I wish I had some kind of magical words that would help you through all of the madness that is going on in your world. Unfortunately, I know that words won’t help right now. You have answers – that is progress. Hold onto the progress. Knowing something, is better than knowing nothing..and making forward progress to getting your life back together – well, that sure is something! I’ll keep you in my prayers!

  2. Heather Heather Says:

    Not fun! hang in there girl! What a range of possibilities you are facing here. I’ll pray for the drs. wisdom and your strength and for this thing to vanish and give you some peace!

  3. Emily Emily Says:

    Thank you for all the support gals! I’m really trying to have a good sense of humor through this journey! I’ll be sure to update with my progress!

  4. Melissa Melissa Says:

    I’m just checking in because I hadn’t read your blog in awhile. I’m sorry for your news. It is so frustrating.

    My best friend’s brother and sister in law are expecting their third child. They don’t know their due date exactly – May ish- because her cycle is pretty irregular and they’re not sure when the start date is.

    I feel your pain when your world is full of happily pregnant people. Why is it that some people – even those with irregular cycles – seem to get pregnant so easily? And others have such difficulty. I’m happy for that family, but it is still a frustrating thing.

    I think that in general I’m in a good place regarding my healing after our recent miscarriage. I’ve found that focusing my energy on things like training for a late November 5k and working on photography (non baby making projects) have been very therapeutic.

    I do find comfort in the fact that my cousin and his wife, who have also been through the infertility journey, got selected to adopt a baby boy this week!!! They’re due at the end of January. It’s finding glimmers of happiness in other things that gives me strength to move forward with my own journey.

    Your doctors will help you gain health. Peace to you and your husband!!!

  5. Samantha Samantha Says:

    Hi Emily,

    Don’t stress. I have had laparoscopic surgery THREE times in 7 years and I am only 28 years old. The surgery is really nothing to worry about (as long as you MAKE SURE you have an EXCELLENT surgeon who specialises in this type of surgery — don’t get a general Gyno to do it). I had my last surgery a few months ago (January) and I became pregnant in May! We weren’t even trying very hard to conceive. The only reason I picked up that I had a cyst was because earlier in the year, we decided to start trying to conceive and I took an U/S to make sure that my polycystic ovaries were not doing anything they weren’t supposed to — that was when we saw the 6cm dermoid cyst! So don’t stress! At the same time that you do the surgery, they will probably also do a D&C as well as test to make sure that your tubes are clear (by running dye through them) — they will almost do a “tune up” for your body so that after your surgery you are in the best shape to start trying to conceive!!

  6. sam sam Says:

    hey hun, i found your blogs online, and it feels good to have someone here who knows what im going through! we lost our baby 3 weeks ago,i was 3 months along, i can definitely relate to the frustration…all the same for me! one thing that bothers me so bad is at first i felt like it was bringing me and my fiance closer, but now it seems like we argue about everything, and before the miscarriage we never argued! it seems like my fiance is looking for something from me, like a feeling i use to give him, that he isnt feeling from me anymore, i try to be the same ole me, but i just dont feel like i have any excitement or joy in my life anymore, i just wana prove to him that i still love him the same and that i would love nothing more than to try again! i just dont know wat to do to give him this feeling, ive tried everything i can think of……im just so drained and i feel like it shows when he looks at me but he perceives it as im not appreciating him anymore,or i dont love him the same…… :( any advice??

  7. karena karena Says:

    It’s been good to find your blog. I am going through a miscarriage right now – and also have a cyst that needs to be looked at. Hopefully I can get some answers, so that we can move on from this and try again. Right now I’m just so scared that it will all happen again.

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