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Life After Miscarriage: Operation Conceive

We have an empty room upstairs. It’s supposed to be the nursery but I’m seriously thinking about converting it to war room and calling it Operation Conceive. I’ll hang wall-sized basal body temperature charts and dry erase boards to track the changes in my cervical mucus. I’ll set up a computer and several monitors that will show my most fertile times of the month based on complex algorithms that take into account the date of my last menstrual cycle plus the variables of progesterone pills, consumption of conception friendly foods, and my desire to conceive.  Think about the Mission Control Center at NASA. That’s what I have in mind.

I’ll arrange to have a police escort on standby so that the moment the stars align, I can whisk my husband into the bedroom and we can get down to business.

I shared this plan with a girlfriend who doesn’t have children and has no desire to do so. She said, “Gee Em.  Conceiving doesn’t sound very romantic.” Uhh. No. This is a science. In fact, I can’t imagine anything less romantic than calling my husband and saying “My cervical mucus looks like egg-whites. Get home now!” Sex is definitely not recreational anymore.

After having success with the progesterone pills, I decided to buy my first ovulation predictor kit (OPK).  I actually have no clue IF I’m ovulating. My body is giving me mixed signals. My cervical mucus is all over the place. So is my basal body temperature. I’ve had random pain around my ovaries for the past five months so I can’t rely on that as an indicator of anything. Sigh.

The good news is, I will go back to my doctor on Cycle Day 21. She’ll blood draw that will tell me if I’m actually ovulating. In the meantime, I don’t want to miss my fertile window so I thought an OPK would be a good idea. I didn’t however, take into account how depressing a negative result would result would be.

Every afternoon I sneak away around 2:00 to pee on a stick and wait an agonizing five minutes to see if a line will appear giving me the green light to shave my legs and pretend I really want to have sex. So far, it hasn’t. I’m depressed and my legs are hairy. How long can a girl live like this?

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5 Responses to “Life After Miscarriage: Operation Conceive”

  1. liz liz Says:

    Emily –
    I found your blog and can totally sympathize. We had two miscarriages this year – valentine’s day (yes, a bitter pill to swallow) and then the start of june. We are in very much the same place and I know exactly what you mean when you write about pretending to WANT to have sex. it made me laugh and think “wow, it’s not just me!”

    get away. honestly it was the best thing we ever did. after our second loss, we were visiting family and stayed at a hotel 45min from our house instead of coming home that night.
    somehow… being away from the house and the loss and the routine and the things you have been surrounded by through the hard stuff… being away made it easier to just want to be with my husband again.

    so that’s my advice: get a night or two and just leave town. you don’t have to go far! but being somewhere else is like pretending to be someone else.
    and heck, if that makes it hurt less… i say DO IT.

    praying for your two blue lines… and ours…

  2. Nicole Nicole Says:

    Hi Emily, I just stumbled across your website, by googling “progesterone crying all the time” and “progesterone after miscarriage”. For some reason that’s all I do is google everything to try and make sense of my body and emotions since my miscarriage in May. I read your posts and immediately found someone who literally has gone through the exact same thing as me.

    I am 32 years old, this was my first child, my first miscarriage (I was 13 weeks) and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past several months. I started my first 10 days of progesterone the beginning of September due to the fact that I was not having a regular period and thinking that I too may not be ovulating. For me, Progesterone = a fat, bloated emotional roller coaster. AF is here today, which explains the uncontrollable crying last night – so hopefully I can begin tracking ovulation as soon as she leaves.

    The “Operation Baby” post made me laugh because it is so true!! My doctor told me to just have fun with sex and not think about ovulation and baby making – is she crazy??? How could I not!

    Good luck to you, I’ll be following your posts :)

  3. Melissa Melissa Says:

    The phrase “Timed Relations” is enough to make my husband’s skin crawl.

    liz, I like your idea of just getting away to a hotel somewhere, anywhere.

    We spent Valentine’s Day in a town 45 minutes away from our home this year. We had just had a miscarriage in December (on Christmas) and were frazzled. The night away was really nice.

    We went skiing last winter, tubing and rollerskating. We try to do somethings that we wouldn’t be able to do if we were pregnant or if we were parents. That seems to help. Skiing wasn’t very sucessful, I fell down a lot. Again, things one shouldn’t do if they were pregnant. :D

  4. Emily Emily Says:

    Just a note to say thanks for your comments! Knowing I’m not alone helps me get out of bed everyday. ~All the best~ Emily

  5. Life After Miscarriage: Houston, We Have a Problem - Again | Pea In The Podcast Life After Miscarriage: Houston, We Have a Problem - Again | Pea In The Podcast Says:

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