Pregnancy Journals

Recent Journal Entries


Life After Miscarriage: Dreading the Due Date

It’s September and I should be 35 weeks pregnant. We should be putting the finishing touches on the nursery. I should be waddling like a penguin. My husband should be figuring out how to put a car seat in our vehicle.

If I was still going to a counselor, she’d probably say something about living for the future and moving on from the past. She’d probably tell me it’s time to let go of the “should have.” I know this. My head knows this. But wherever it is that rage, and anger, and anxiety live – that part of me doesn’t know it. That part of me sees October 29 speeding toward me. I am about to be in a head on collision with my due date and there is no way around it.

I wish Hallmark made cards for times like this. I should write them and tell them to nestle a section in near the sympathy cards. The marker could say something like, “Remembering Estimated Due Dates.” The cards would have stars and moons and say things like “Today probably hurts more than childbirth. I’m sorry.”

Share and Enjoy:
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Digg
  • Technorati
  • Reddit
  • RSS
  • StumbleUpon
  • MySpace

7 Responses to “Life After Miscarriage: Dreading the Due Date”

  1. Heather Heather Says:

    I hear ya! its almost like we have to wait through the entire time we would’ve been pregnant, before we start again, like it’s not right to infringe on that time that we would’ve been pregnant with baby number one, by being pregnant with baby #2. a little while back was the mile marker of the day we would’ve found out the baby’s gender. bummer.
    i think some day in OCT is the official day when people remember their miscarriages and infant losses. so hey, hallmark really could come up with something here. :)

  2. liz liz Says:

    Our due date crashed into me too… a calendar online wanted me to pick a date for something and as I moved towards the weekend… there it was. Sept 10. And I realized it was only the 9th, but it caught me off guard. It was all I could think about in months leading up to it, as you say – dreading it – and then there it was. Tomorrow.
    So whether it hits you on the day of, or the day before, or the day after…your due date is an important day for you and your husband, and I wouldn’t be paying someone to tell me I should be “moving on from” that.

    The hope is, there WILL be October 30. and 31…
    You’re brave for sharing all this online.

  3. Courtney Courtney Says:

    Im going through the same thing right now… dreading that due date to come next week… searching the internet for ways to coupe but cant seem to find anything that helps.. my boyfriend works away from home, he was away when I found out I was pregnant, and he was away when I lost the baby at 16 weeks.. and now he’s away for the upcoming due date. Not want I want.. but thats life. Life can be cruel at times.. we need to embrace the date with remembrance of the little one.. Now that the time for my due date is here, I have planned to try again after the date.. I think this will help me through the rest of the months/years to come. :)

  4. Precia Precia Says:

    I’m so glad I found this. My due date would be December 9th. Today it hit me that it is the 1st. This whole time I have told myself that “I’m fine” “It’s not that big of a deal” and “Just be strong Precia”. I have been avoiding thinking about it the past 6 months and today it hit me like a ton of bricks.

    Of course when I search and search for answers about coping and what to do on that day all I find is baby baby baby. Baby things everywhere. I have an in home daycare and have little ones around me all the time. All I have been able to do is cry and just hold them today.

    It’s even worse because when you talk about it, everyone just gives you the looks of feeling completely sorry for you. The feel sorry for you, want you to be strong, and move on. How in the hell are they able to say things like that when they have no clue of the pain we all go through??

    Thank you everyone that has posted. It’s nice to actually see women that do know exactly how I feel. I’m truly sorry to each of you for the pain you feel every single day.

  5. Hil Hil Says:

    I have 2 healthy little ones and 2 in heaven watching over them. My due date for the last would be 2 days from now. I lost my dog a week before my miscarriage and the baby was due on his birthday.

    I thought I was done grieving, but the last couple days the baby’s been on my mind alot. I’m trying to look forward, but it’s hard.

  6. Carey Carey Says:

    Thank you as well Emily. My due date is in 5 days and we lost our baby at 8 weeks. I really thought I was over crying about it until today. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone in that feeling. You take care girl, loved reading your blog today.

  7. JJ JJ Says:

    I have similar story. I had my miscarriage so long ago.. I was almost 9 weeks pregnant when I lost my baby!!! It was horrible feeling! and moreover I was told my baby is not alive in the same room I had my first ultrasound when I heard my babys heartbeat! It was just so amazing to hear it – it was like the most beautiful sound and music in the world. Never had thought I wont be hearing it again. And now as I thought I had moved on and kept myself busy all the time… my due date would be october 6th so really soon, and its possible I would have my baby even earlier… So lost, dont even know what to do with myself. My husband is so sick and tired of me showing him the date in the calendar or mentioning what could have been if… so sad I will not know what could have been… and what hurts me the most is that we have been trying since the MC and it just does not seem to work! my O is so irregular, I was sure I would be pregnant when I will approach my due date and was hoping it will be easier. I hope all of you going through hard time will soon find happiness and joy! i wish that for myself!

(will not be published)